Adam’s Blog

That’s my thing, keepin’ the faith, baby. –Joe Friday

Screwtape Speech to the College of College Professors

Posted by Adam Graham on March 20, 2007

Given recent events at BSU, I thought this never before published article from my series, “The Screwtape Reports” would be of some relevance.

Dave Screwtape is an alter-ego. A liberal Democratic consultant who advises various liberal groups on how to succeed in the style of C.S. Lewis’ “The Screwtape Letters.

If you’d like to buy, “The Screwtape Reports Book, you can do at Lulu

After an introduction from West Northern University Law Professor Mike Wesley, Dave Screwtape rose to address the College of College Professors on the last night of their three-day convention.

SCREWTAPE: It’s a pleasure to share an evening with such an enlightened group of people. I see from reading the program, you’ve had quite a full weekend learning how to teach multicultural perspectives. Doubtlessly, those of you who are new to this group feel somewhat overwhelmed, but that’s okay. There’s a lot to take in.

There are few science or math professors here, but that makes sense. It can be a challenge to work gay perspectives into subjects such as algebra and chemistry, but many of you still manage to remain progressive. I’d like to recognize Professor Jesse Bortland for his work with Earth Science. Questions like, “If the polar ice caps are melting at x rate per year, how long until the total meltdown and flooding of the Earth?” have taught students mathematics while making them lifelong environmentalists.


The topic I’ve been asked to speak on is the role of college professors in politics, and it is a vital role. Parents teach their children to obey, to not get into trouble, to get along. Even churches help by emphasizing the need to obey teachers and government officials. Most students enter college with little knowledge of politics, culture, or history unless this is a personal hobby. When they see you in your classroom, you are a god!

You know all because you’ve completed a Master’s Degree or a Doctorate, never mind what it’s in. Your achievement and intelligence makes you an expert on everything. Thus, in the middle of a lecture on Shakespeare, you mention that Bush sounds like a dolt when he speaks and they will believe you. If reinforced enough, they will come to the conclusion that all Republicans are dolts.

You have the power to make your subjects political. A discussion of Shakespeare can turn to gay rights. Choose American Literature books about back alley abortions. Immerse your students in Marx and Brecht. Choose to teach American history through four novels written by leftists. You’re the professor, you choose the worldview taught.

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